2

I went for a “run”

Never again! Ever! I want to cry just thinking about the pain I was in.

This is the tale of yet another time I made a fool of myself.

THE RUN

I set off with my mother running like a pro with her telling me to slow down. Thing is, if I slow anymore my shins start to hurt because I have to shorten my stride. I was going good. I looked okay and wasn’t doing my usual conducting an orchestra thing with my hands.

Then it hit me.

The burning in my throat that causes the permanent taste of blood and just as I was resigning myself to the fact that I was becoming part vampire, I saw them.

Them, was people I knew. A girl in my year and her boyfriend. It was okay, at this point I am still going strong and not letting the blood taste hinder my “running”. I run past to whoops and shouts of “Go Tabby!”, to which I reply “Shut up I can’t run!”

To clarify, I look like a dying walrus combined with a goat that has been smeared in tomato juice.

Still I am doing okay (I’ve been running for 5 minutes, this is good for me) and then I see some more people I know. My friend Tom and then across the road, two boys that I go to drama with.

FML

At this point, I can barely breathe, convincing myself I am actually asthmatic (either that or I was actually born to live in the sea and have missed my calling as a clown fish) and flailing around like a porpoise (do porpoises flail?).

Anyway I continue on at a respectable rate until none of the people can see me.

Fuck it. Imma walk the rest.

Yeah so my mother being all showy with her “map my run” and her music and her running shoes carries on running whilst I, convinced I am dying by internal suffocation (is that a thing? that’s what it felt like), walk the shortest easiest way home. Over a wall, through a field and collapse on the kitchen floor.

I should have realised that after not running at all for two years and skipping PE for the last 3 months, I would not be in peak physical condition.

I cannot run. It is your duty as fellow humans (or animals or aliens) to warn me about my incapability next time I have even the faintest notion of “running”.

All in all, it was a painful, embarrassing experience that I do not wish to repeat. Ever.

If you take anything from this, anything at all, be it that physical exercise is bad for you. Do not under any circumstances partake in anything similar to this malarkey called “running”.

Goodbye

Tabby

0

Not a haul post….

Sorry but this time it actually isn’t my fault!!!!

I did try, honestly I did!!!

My dad kept turning the electric off so that he could rewire the kitchen lights so that meant no wifi and my laptop decided to be a penis and not connect to my phone’s personal hotspot so half of the time I couldn’t even get on the internet and then when I could, the photos that I had taken on my phone decided not to sync with my laptop and not go to my photo stream so I couldn’t get the photos on my laptop to upload and everything majorly failed.

I would have uploaded today but I was at laser quest this morning on a ‘family outing’ (yes because shooting your family members is really a way to build bonds!?) and then the electric got turned off yet again and then I had to go and walk my dog and right now I just can’t be bothered with doing a proper post so I’m sorry (I’m not really, I’m just saying that I am)

Anyhow….. I shall post tomorrow…..

Goodbye

Tabby

1

I Bloody Hate Weddings

Currently (i mean friday when i actually wrote this), I’m sat in a car with my family travelling to Luton for a wedding.

I hate weddings. It’s never like in the movies when you go to a wedding and there’s this really cute guy and you end up dancing and making out and then the night gets a little more interesting. No. There is never anyone my age, the food is always this posh stuff that you have no idea whether it’s edible or not and then there’s the awkward dance/disco thing after a lengthy service and freaky food where you all kind of sit awkwardly around the edge of the dance floor and listen to the shitty music selection that people with no taste have put together. There’s also the whole waiting around for hours between the vows and the wedding breakfast which makes you so hungry you only have two options; starve or resort to cannibalism and eat the bride’s mother.

More disadvantages include…..

  • being stuck in the car with your family for 5 hours
  • having to share a hotel room with your family
  • having absolutely everyone disregard the rules of privacy and personal space
  • having your parents constantly ask why you insist on getting changed in the bathroom
  • wearing a dress and having to look presentable
  • being separated from the internet (apparently its rude to take your macbook to a wedding?)
  • having no one to talk to for several hours
  • not being able to watch Breaking Bad or Supernatural
  • most of the time you don’t even know the people being married

I have been to only one wedding about which I could say was a good wedding. This was my mum’s cousin’s wedding.

Things that made it good……

  • began later in the day so I could sleep in
  • service was short
  • during the wait there was loads of cake and drink and snacks and I didn’t go hungry (for a change)
  • they put out loads of games like giant jenga and monopoly during the wait
  • it was held at this awesome business school/castle which you could explore
  • for the wedding breakfast, anyone under 16 got chicken and chips (yay edible food)
  • for the dancing they had loads of silly hats for people to get dressed up
  • they had these flip-flops for anyone wearing heels whose feet needed a break
  • FREE BAR!!!!!

So erm yeah *awkwardly shuffles out through window*………….

*climbs back through window* Oh yeah and I’m in Strasbourg next week so expect pictures!!!!!!

*quietly leaves through door*

Goodbye

Tabby