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10 Things You Should Not Do Before You Die

Here it is. The list to beat all lists – not really, tomorrow’s will probably be better. Anyway here it is and I hope you enjoy!

1. Shower under a waterfall. It’s not worth it. Think about it, you have to find a waterfall (not in England) and like actually have a shower. It will be cold and it’s actually pointless. It is not like the adverts!

2. Read “Jane Eyre“. Or any other classics for that matter. It takes so long to get to the end because the language is so weird and it takes ages to work out what every other word means!

3. See the Great Wall of China. People say this is great but really? If you’re anything like me you’re thinking “Really you want to walk around all day and look at a wall?” It is a WALL, and it involves walking!

4. Run a Marathon. Again physical exercise! You also have to pay! What?! YOU HAVE TO PAY TO TORTURE YOURSELF!? Really, people do this?

5. Spend a whole day naked. Weird one but this does appear on some lists of what you SHOULD do before you die. WHY? Seriously, think of the consequences. You will contract hyperthermia and it’s just plain weird.

6. Be totally honest with someone. Since when has that ever worked?

7. Become a millionaire. Are you fucking serious? If you are under 23 and extremely smart/business savvy then maybe but otherwise, just give up now. It isn’t going to happen WE ARE IN A FUCKING RECESSION YOU CAN’T JUST DECIDE TO BE A MILLIONAIRE!

8. See the Northern Lights. You have a T.V what is the point? You have to pay for flights, food, accommodation just to see some lights? Just google it and look at the damn pictures!

9. Become mortgage free. Really? This is someone’s life aim?

10. Die. You do not want to die before you die. Time will collapse and you will cause the universe to implode.

There we have it! 10 things you should not do before you die. If you want more buy the book “Can’t be arsed” by Richard Wilson. It is very funny and entertained me for hours!

Okay that is all I have to say to you!

Bye

Follow me on twitter @tabbymilton

P.S. Please comment and like it if you enjoyed xxx

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Rules… don’t you just hate them!

I hate rules. Not all of them, because some are sensible and actually make sense. School rules are the ones I mean. Our school is a stickler for rules. Ever since we go a new headteacher it has been 3 times worse! Our old head was really cool and was highly respected by everyone but the new head is horrible. She walks around tapping at her iPhone and generally looking like a witch!
These are just a few examples of our school’s stupid rules:
1. No jewellery or piercings apart form one small stud in each earlobe
2. No bobbles to be kept on wrists
3. Top buttons to be done up at all times
4. Tie to reach to waistband
5. Do not roll blazer sleeves up
6. When walking to and from school you must have your blazer on underneath your coat
7. No mobile phones between 8:55 and 3:30
8. No coloured headbands other than blue, black, silver or white
9. No flowers or bows or anything fancy in your hair
These rules are stupid! Also it clearly states in our planners that the school is only responsible for us in school hours. So why are they entitled to tell us what we can and can’t wear coming and going from school. If you are wearing a hoodie instead of your blazer when you leave school (after the bell has gone) you get told to take it off and wear your blazer. The thing is… WHY??? You are not in charge of us after the bell goes, you stupid teachers! They say it’s fine if you have the blazer on underneath but what difference does it make! Either way you can’t see it!
Another thing that happened to me and my friend Hannah was that her phone got confiscated… at 8:30… outside of school. We were stood outside of school not on school property and not in school hours and Hannah was on the phone to a girl whose house had been set on fire that morning and she was asking if she was okay and the stupid headteacher came up to us and yelled at Hannah “GET OFF YOUR PHONE NOW! I AM CONFISCATING IT UNTIL THE END OF THE DAY! GO AND HAND IT IN TO THE OFFICE!” So naturally, feeling the injustice of it all, I said to the headteacher “But Miss, school hasn’t started yet and Hannah was only checking if Fran was okay because her house was on fire.” and then I got yelled at for being cheeky and we both got told to go into school. THE BELL HADN’T EVEN GONE!
Also what’s with the rule about coloured headbands?! I once got a detention just because I was wearing a red headband! Why does this rule exist? What is it helping? How does wearing a red headband affect your learning? THESE RULES ARE STUPID!!!
Oh yeah and in P.E we aren’t allowed to wear long-sleeved things or long trousers we have to wear short sleeve tops and shorts. Even in winter! When we are outside doing orienteering! In temperatures below freezing!
Okay… Sorry this was such a long post I just needed to let it all out! Please let me know about any stupid rules that you have or if you disagree with my views. I would love to know what you think!

Sbohem (that’s Czech for goodbye!)

Follow me on twitter @tabbymilton

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The Flea Circus, Flour Cake and Random Flashing Dormouse

Right today’s post is going to be slightly random. I didn’t know what to write about and then suddenly I had a million ideas buzzing around my head! So I’m just going to let my mind wander and so you will probably end up with a string of random, completely unrelated thoughts and happenings! Just warning you in advance.

Okay first and foremost… THE RANDOM FLASHING DORMOUSE! Okay, allow me to explain. This came from performing at the theatre. The other day I was there and we were all dressed in our animal costumes and there is one girl who is called Devon and she’s only 6. Our costumes have had LED lights sewn into them and the battery packs are at the back and we have to turn them on ourselves. If you put the switch halfway across the lights flash and it looks like you’re having a rave in an animal costume! Anyway we were all on stage and we did this dance and then it goes to a blackout and we switch our lights off. Only Devon couldn’t get the switch across and in the middle of a pitch black theatre there was one random flashing dormouse!

Right, secondly, the flea circus. The director of the show is called Tony Lidington and is quite awesome (he has a moustache that flicks out at the ends!). Yesterday he told us that his contract had expired and was going back down to Devon until after Christmas. When we asked why he was leaving he said “Well my contract has expired and I need to get back to my flea circus,” me being the naive person I am asked what a flea circus was. I was told that it was a miniature circus that had performing fleas. I was like “Stop messing with me! Seriously, what’s a flea circus?”. I was again told that it was where fleas did tricks and stuff and that if I didn’t believe them to google it. Well today in history instead of reading about Franz Ferdinand I searched ‘flea circus’ and guess what?! Much to my amazement it is a circus that uses fleas!!! They harness them with thin gold wire and make them do tricks! Nowadays they mostly use electronics and remote-controlled stuff but there are still some genuine flea circuses! Can you believe that? FLEAS DOING TRICKS… IN A CIRCUS!

Finally, the flour cake game. If you have never played this game you must have had a very deprived childhood! Basically it’s a cake made out of flour with a sweet on the top (the best things to do it with are fried eggs or chocolate buttons) and you chop bits of the flour away with a knife and when the sweet falls from the top of the ‘cake’ the person who made the last chop has to stick their face in the flour and retrieve the sweet, no hands allowed!

Okay that wasn’t too random, me thinks. There is loads more I could say but this post is long enough so I am going to leave you pondering the concept of a cake made out of flour and picturing a flashing dormouse (not in THAT way!) and thinking about fleas so I can go and make myself something to eat!

Farvel! (that’s Danish for goodbye!)

Follow me on twitter @tabbymilton