0

Strasbourg Photos!!!!!

IMG_0116 This is 3am at a service station…. And by some miracle we don’t look like zombies

IMG_0010 When we got to Dover I got excited about the ferry (I love water) so I took a selfie

IMG_0012 Left to right this is Ashley, Gabi, Beth, Me and Kaitlyn at a Buffalo Grill in France at a service station while everyone else ditched us to go to Burger King. We even managed to order in french (badly… but I still managed to ask the waitress to leave out the onions!)

IMG_0133 Me and Ashley were not too enamoured with the food at the youth hostel…

IMG_0160 We climbed 330 steps to the top of the cathedral in Strasbourg and the view was awesome

IMG_0052 This is me, Kaitlyn and Gabi before we went in the spa and ohmigosh it was heavenly….. until Gabi forgot her locker number and lost her clothes…..

IMG_0053 Peter’s selfie face is better than yours…. This is in Baden Baden near the spa

IMG_0060 This is the European Parliament where the tour guide caused me, 2 other students and a teacher to actually fall asleep…

IMG_0179 This is some random blossom tree we found after eating ‘lunch’

IMG_0114 This is near said tree…

IMG_0067 This is near this weird building where cranes live on the roof  (the bird not machine….)

IMG_0081 This is what I MUST drink when I am in France

IMG_0001 This is a vase I made for my Dad’s birthday at a glass blowing museum

IMG_0094 This is a random horse at the Gutach open air museum that we took selfies with

IMG_0108 This is the group of people I went with in front of a big-ass waterfall

IMG_0110 This is a giant pretzel that I ate and enjoyed….. damn right I enjoyed it, I payed €1,10 for that!

 

Anyway thats just a few of the pictures I took whilst in Strasbourg….. Im sorry if this post bored you but for me this trip really changed me (I know this sounds stupid but hear me out)…. So my best friend (lets call her X) didn’t get to go because her passport never arrived on time. Now there was a lot of shit that went with this and I used to feel dependant on X (I’m not really that self-assured) so I was a bit worried about going alone… And then X kind of started getting bitchy when I tried to comfort her and I was like well what the fuck this is hardly fair! The one time I actually get something and you don’t! Well fuck it! I’m gonna enjoy myself!

Now let me explain…..

X’s family are a lot richer than mine so she gets a lot more than me. I am by no means complaining because I am perfectly happy with my life but what I mean is that I am never allowed to be jealous of her but the minute I get something that she doesn’t, she kicks up this huge fuss like she’s so hard done by. It’s like she has to have more than me to feel… well I don’t know!

Before secondary school, I was a really outgoing but through secondary school I have gotten more introverted and developed social anxiety. I have low self esteem and hate going outside. My mum kind of had suspicions that X had influenced this a little because X is not too sociable and is also introverted.

It was good for me to get away without X because I could have experiences with some of my other friends like Gabi and Kaitlyn who go to parties, are in the ‘popular’ group and whose weekends actually involve doing stuff with people! Now X, when we were sorting out rooms, kicked up a huge fuss because she didn’t get her way and was in a room with the two aforementioned girls and me (in the end she didn’t even go so wtf!). Now she was all “but I’m gonna feel awkward and I don’t want to share a room with them!” but you know what!?

I HAD A REALLY GREAT TIME!!!!!

They were hilarious and I loved every minute of that trip and they really boosted my confidence and made me feel like an equal and you know the other thing!?

If someone got upset (which happened once), we talked about it and it got sorted! Because that’s the only way that you can deal with fall outs because half the time it’s just a misunderstanding and I think that being with them opened my eyes a little and made me realise that X really needs to just grow up.

So basically I had a really great time and after feeling quite depressed and shitty and after everything I’ve been through, it was really nice to get away, spend time with people who I don’t normally hang around with and feel (for once) like I fitted in and belonged.

I just thought that I would share that with you. The fact that I am happy. Truly happy (I haven’t felt this way in a very long time and its fucking brilliant!)

IMG_0156 SEE THIS IS MY FACE AND I AM SMILING SO YOU SHOULD SMILE TOO!!!!

Goodbye!

Tabby

 

Advertisements
37

I don’t know what this is…

It’s quite late when I’m writing this and I tend to write stuff at night. I think I missed my calling as an owl or something.

Online, outside, everywhere there’s people. People who I wish I was and people who I wish didn’t exist. I feel so trapped in my little bubble armed with only my mind and a laptop. It’s not even a very good laptop.

I am trapped and my bubble is getting smaller. People attack from all sides and I can’t defend my bubble. Soon it’s going to pop and the outside world will be let in. Protect my bubble. Wrap it up and keep it safe. Lock it away and hide it in a cupboard. I’m scared of what might happen if my bubble pops. My insecurities will be revealed to the world. I hate myself. The things I do, the things I say; the person I am. I want to be thinner, prettier, smarter, better. I want to be happier.

I’m locked away in my bubble and I control what goes in and out. I only let the online world in. It’s the place where you can be whoever you want. I let the online world in but I never show myself. I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough to write or sing or dance or act. All the things I want to do, I don’t feel I’m good enough. If I try and fail then what’s the point? Only humiliation and embarrassment await me. I want to feel worthy enough and happy enough to be me. Instead I hide away and don’t talk to anyone. I want to feel like I can do anything but I just feel like I’m not very good at anything. I can do everything to the same standard but I can’t excel at anything. I want to travel and act and go for auditions but I don’t feel I can ask for anything because I’m not good enough. I am not worthy of anything more. So I’m stuck. Stuck in my bubble; held back by myself and pushed back by the rest of the world.

I just wish I could be more confident in myself but I can’t because I’m not good enough.

Well this was depressing…

Tabby

11

Erm… Hi?

Remember me? No? It’s okay, I don’t expect you to! I haven’t written here in a long, long time. I’m guessing you would like to know the reason (No? Well I’m gonna tell you anyway).

I have been struggling a lot lately with stress and have been having a really hard time. I have been in and out of doctors offices and hospitals because I currently have a problem with my back and I don’t know what’s happened. I am waiting for my MRI results at the moment and am also waiting on two physio referrals. My back problem has prevented me from swimming and as swimming was my way of releasing all my anger and all my bad emotions, I have had a hard time trying to deal with them. People who know me will tell you that I am a negative, angry and defensive person but people who really know me will tell you that I am difficult but I can be a nice person to be friends with (Elly?). With all these emotions and no way of getting rid of them I ended up being stressed about school, got mad really easily and I also ended up with really low self-esteem. Without my swimming, there wasn’t anything I could say I was really good at. I have been depressed and angry and have now been refered for Targeted Youth Support so I can get some help. (George, please keep this quiet!)

Anyway the main reason for my brief retirement from blogging is because, as a way of reducing the stress and pressure I felt , I stopped doing different things for brief periods of time. One of these was blogging. Basically, this was a science experiment and it was this, “If I take away things that stress or worry me, will I be more relaxed?” I stopped doing homework, blogging and I stopped practicing for my piano lesson. I didn’t tell anyone about this because it had to be entirely my decision. I have slowly started doing these things again but less often and I don’t care if things aren’t perfect anymore.

I am now going to re-introduce myself so here we go…

Hi. I am Tabby. I am 14. I have green eyes and light brown hair. I hate feet (unless they’re mine). I love chips. I have a Mum, Dad and sister. I also have a dog called Flo. The GCSE options I have picked are Geography, French, Music and Further Science. I love Harry Potter. My favourite movies are Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, Chamber of Secrets, The Matrix, Wild Child and Skyfall. My favourite Youtubers are danisnotonfire, amazingphil, Bertiebertg, dicasp and emmablackery. I play ukulele and it is the coolest instrument ever.

So sorry for the long post (Not really). If you read this far please comment “I can read!” and if you didn’t read this far then you won’t be reading this so clearly you have the attention span of a gnat (good word “gnat”,(another good word is “bollocks”)I like it).

Farewell

Tabby xxx

Instagram: tabeeeee_milton

Twitter: tabbymilton

P.S. About that massive pile of awards. I have no fucking clue about what I’m meant to do but whatever it is, I will do it next time